So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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