how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
