I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
