His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
