So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
