You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
