This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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