Non-Jews are for practice
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
