Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
