Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
