hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize