can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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