Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
