I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
