Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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