My pussy is not your playground.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
