so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
