yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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