What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my being single is dangerous.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
