dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
