How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
