yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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