4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
