do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize