I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
