NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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