I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
