and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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