Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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