so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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