My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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