I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm too high and old for this...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
