I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
