I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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