When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
