proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
