Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize