You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
