Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
