My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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