I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
sex in a hospital.. check
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
