I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
