3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
