At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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