I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
