Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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