I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
