Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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