someone threw a dead crab at me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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