Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
