I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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