but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
