I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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