very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
