You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
