The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize