You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I believe in your delicious
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
