I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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