I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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