Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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