is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
