Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
