its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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