So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The adults are the big ones right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
