bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
