Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
