I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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