I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
