I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
