If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
