okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
