omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
