if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
