That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I came so hard my ears popped.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
