i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
