Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
