he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
