Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
