I skipped work to stalk him.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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