Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do vagina's smell?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
