i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
