For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
