dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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