My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize