And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
