I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
