She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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