first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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