Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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