You smell like stripper and shame
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
