I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
