He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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