I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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