I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
