The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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