I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
