If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
