There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
