just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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