I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
