She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
