I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
