Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
