How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
